10 Things I wish I knew before having children

I remember when I was about to have my first child.

Excited, scared, and a bit curious.

‘Scared’ is an understatement; I was terrified!

What will it be like? Can I handle it? Do I know enough about life to raise a child? Am I going to be a bad mom?

All those hormones flying around didn’t help. I was a wreck for 9 months.

But, as with most things in life – it’s mostly in our heads.

Here are 10 things I wish I knew about motherhood before becoming a mom:

1. Having a baby is hard and exhausting

I’m not going to sugarcoat it.

You are going to lose sleep, eat less, feel lonely, and have bags under your eyes – especially in the beginning. That little miracle is going to scream, cry, poop, and want milk at the most inconvenient times, day and night.

Prepare for chaos.

I remember sitting on the sofa breastfeeding my firstborn in the middle of the night, with tears silently running down my cheeks.

Then I looked down at my lap, and I saw that my little one had fallen asleep. He was so calm, cute, and just… perfect.

All that anxiety, pressure, and stress just flew out the window.

It’s all worth it. Believe me.

The first year is going to be one of the hardest – but it won’t last forever.

2. You can do almost ANYTHING

No, this isn’t a fake “You go girl!” post where I try to convince you of something that isn’t true just to make you feel better.

You are capable of much more than you think.

When I was growing up, my mom had problems carrying things due to pain in her joints and shoulders. She rarely lifted heavy things, resulting in weak muscles and poor posture. Even grocery bags were a struggle.

One evening, the toddler version of me sat in the living room eating sweets. One of them got stuck in my throat, completely blocking my airways. My sister saw it and started screaming for help. My mother rushed in, saw what happened, and, without hesitation, lifted me up and turned me upside-down. While holding my ankles with one hand (!), she used the other to pat me on the back.

It might not have been the proper way to deal with a choking child, but it worked. That little strawberry-shaped candy flew out of my mouth, and I regained my ability to breathe.

Remember, my mom couldn’t even lift the frying pan with two hands. I must have weighed around 26 lbs (12 kg) at that time – yet, she lifted me up, turned me around mid-air, and shook me as if I was weightless.

That’s the power of moms.

You are able to do much more than you think. It’s okay to be scared – we all are – but never let those emotions consume you.

3. Children don’t need a perfect mother

We should always do our best, but don’t strive or expect to be perfect.

Perfection is not what your child needs or wants.

Your kids need a present mother.

Reading books, holding their hand, having fun, and caring for them – that’s what they need and want. Your son or daughter wants YOU, not the perfect image of you.

Yesterday, I was with my youngest at the playground. We played together on the swings, in the sandbox, and on the jumping tracks.

Do you know where all the other parents were? Sitting on the benches with their smartphones. One boy kept wanting his mother’s attention, asking her to look at him climbing, jumping, and doing goofy stuff. Not once did she lift her eyes from the screen.

That boy ended up playing in the sandbox with me and my son, as well as some other kids.

Eye contact, comfort, and attention are what your children need – not perfection.

4. It’s OK to ask for help

You might be different, but I’ve always struggled with asking people for help. I don’t want to be a burden to others, nor do I want to appear weak.

Once I had kids, I quickly realized that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. Far from it.

If one of your friends asks for relationship advice, or help cleaning out an apartment, does that mean they are weak? Of course not. So why would it be any different when you ask for help?

Do not be afraid to ask your husband, friends, or family to lighten your burden, even if only for an hour or two. Sometimes, we need time to breathe and get away – that’s perfectly normal.

Do not be afraid to ask for, and receive, help from others.

5. Your relationship with your partner will change

Having children is a life-changing event; nothing will ever be the same, especially when it comes to your relationship with your partner.

Schedules, finances, diapers, breastfeeding, stress, and lack of sleep – it all takes a toll on any relationship. This new lifestyle might not affect you and your partner’s relationship negatively, but it will change it. Be prepared for that.

Make time for each other, be understanding, and communicate!

You are in this together; you are a team – do not forget your significant other.

6. It will not be glamorous

Have you seen those Instagram pictures of mothers in beautiful dresses, with laughing children and perfectly clean living rooms?

That’s not reality.

It might be for a few moments.

But most of the time, you are going to pick up toys from the floor, cook food, change diapers, and deal with a crying baby – all at the same time.

It’s a demanding full-time job. It’s the best job I’ve ever had, but don’t be fooled by the picture portrayed by influencers on social media.

7. Being a mother can be isolating

I was lucky. When I had my first child, I also had friends with newborns, and I had and have a supporting family.

But even then, motherhood felt very isolating.

You are going to be alone with your baby a lot.

If you had a rich social life before having kids, prepare for that to change. And I mean that in two ways:

1.) Prepare mentally to be alone with your child for long periods.

2.) Try to create a circle of friends with kids that you can visit and socialize with. Even if you meet just once or twice a month, it’s going to make all the difference. Set up a WhatsApp group where you can share tips or just vent.

There is no way around the solitude that comes with having a baby, but you don’t have to be completely alone and isolated from the world. Make sure to stay in contact with other people.

8. There is no cheat sheet or manual

By all means, read books, listen to podcasts, and get advice from your friends about being a mother.

The more you know, the better.

But nothing can truly prepare you to be a mother. You have to live it, be it, and experience it.

Some tips and tricks I received before having kids have been a blessing. They made life easier. But you can never be prepared enough to be a mom.

And that’s perfectly normal.

It’s like driving a car.

Imagine that you’ve never driven a car before. You can read hundreds of books about driving, and get valuable advice and information from experienced drivers.

When you sit down in the driver’s seat for the first time, do you think it’s reasonable to expect perfection? Do you think you will be able to drive for three hours without stalling the car, missing a red light, or forgetting about the speed limit? No way.

You need experience and practice.

Being a mom is something you learn along the way. It’s not something you can read yourself to mastery.

Do not be too hard on yourself and don’t expect perfection. It’s OK to make mistakes. It’s OK to feel like you don’t know what you are doing. That’s a part of being a parent.

9. Being a mom is AWESOME

When you read articles like this one, it’s easy to think that being a mother is hard, complex, and a constant struggle.

I won’t lie, it’s not easy.

But at the same time, it’s fantastic and the best job in the world.

The first time my child called me “mom”, those moments when we snuggle up together on the sofa, and when he sleeps so beautifully in his crib – nothing beats that.

One time I sat on the sofa reading a book, while my toddler sat on the floor playing with his cars. All of a sudden, he stood up, and without a word, he just stood there staring at me for a few seconds.

I expected the worst. Either he didn’t make it to the potty, or he hurt his finger playing. Before I could ask him what was the matter, he walked up to me and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Then he went back to his toys and continued playing.

That was the first time he ever did that, and I have no idea where it came from. It was wonderful. It was as if he, just for a brief moment, wanted to show his love for me. It was so pure, innocent, and warming.

One hour later, he threw his lunch on the floor and poured his cup of water all over the dinner table.

It was the best day ever.